The first time the C word comes out, I know to buckle in, it's going to be a wild ride.
Thats how it usually begins, the name calling. And it's just not reserved for me. Any woman or man out there is subject to it. He never uses that word any other time so I can assume he knows the connotation. If you're not going along with whatever hair brained idea that's popped into his head, you're a @unt.
I have to remind myself, over and over again, that it's the disorder talking. But anyone that lives with a bipolar, knows it's all and out war, it's verbal abuse. I'm not one who backs down from an argument or cowers from name calling. So for me to keep my mouth shut is pure torture. But I know I can't win. I know we can't have a civilized conversation or argument for that matter when he is manic. But sooner or later, I'm going to blow. When that happens, it must look like two seriously unstable wackos to the outside world. Screaming, yelling, threatening, crying. Not an environment conducive to getting better.
What I learned is that I have to take drastic measures before that happens. A physical break is what is needed but I have to find somewhere to send him where I know he will be safe. Cause out there in the real world, he will get arrested. Two times that separation was inflicted upon us by incarceration and hospitalization. While the break for me was helpful,for him, the anger and resentment towards me just delayed his treatment. During his last mania I sent him away, like 3,000 miles away, for a break. Thank you Uncle James! I was able to finally get some sleep,get my house in order and get a treatment plan in place. More or less on his own, he began to get some rest and his mind slowed down. He returned to a slew of doc appointments and tests. Meds were adjusted and within a month he was able to return to work.
Mania is so stressful on the family. Unless you've been in it, you have no idea. Have a plan in place for when it happens. If you don't, you will not only end up hating the one with bipolar, but also yourself.
I have no idea how you put up with it at all. I'm very fortunate in that my verbal outbursts are usually at inanimate objects. Or when I'm relaxing. I'll swear at the dishes, shower, or some invisible person I seem to always be responding too although in reality and even in my mind I have never seen him. The verbal abuse of partners isn't always a bipolar thing, but I know it's a common one.
ReplyDeleteI lived with a bipolar woman for two years and she was extremely verbally, mentally, and physically abusive and she would deny it to this day. I had to call the cops on her after she pulled a kitchen knife on me and threatened to kill me. She pretended to her family, friends, and the court system that there was no knife. They all believed her and I'm supposed to deal with the label of being a liar.
I couldn't put up with it myself, so I ended it all with her, only to find her using stereotypical hollywood lines like "If I can't have you, nobody can." with a foot long knife held to my gut.
Wow that's terrible! I'm glad you left that relationship behind. The name calling is hard because it's so out of character for him. That's how I know that it definitely is the disorder. He feels bad about it when he's stable.
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