The most difficult symptom of mania for spouses/partners is the hyper sexuality. Even amongst all the chaos, hostility and upheaval that can occur, cheating can bring all the understanding and sympathy to a screeching halt.
Every new manic episode seems to bring something new to the table. Yay! Just when I thought I knew what to expect. This last one had feelings and urges that both myself and my husband didn't know how to handle. Luckily we stayed on top of it, no pun intended. He was very open and honest with his psychiatrist and she was able help us both understand and deal with these needs. I set clear and firm boundaries. He knew that if he crossed that line, there would be no turning back. Even if to quote Ross "we were on a break". For me that meant being available. This was very difficult considering the hate and anger he spewed at me the rest of the time. But I obliged, often and usually the middle of the night! But manic sex is awesome! Yeah I said it.
Though one can never be 100% positive, we dodged a bullet there. Other couples are not so lucky. I know that. I hear the pain in their voices. Only you can decide for yourself how you will move forward,together or apart. Either way, get counselling for yourself. If you decide to work it out, make sure you set a plan and boundaries for the next time mania rears it's ugly head. Cause it will, thats a definite. Talk to each other. Talk to your psychiatrist. Talk when things are stable.
Words can be forgotten, finances can be fixed, but infidelity is a wound that may never close.
It's a weird thing from the other side. I'm not sure who has it worse. The person with or without bipolar disorder in the relationship. I won't even talk with my psychiatrist, or my spouse about the sexual urges I have to deal with while manic. I don't want her to know how bad it can get and why it doesn't lead to more sex in our relationship. I know she gets quite frustrated with how asexual I may seem for months.
ReplyDeleteTo her point of view, I look like I don't ever want sex, but nothing could be further from the truth. When I was single, I'd go on serial dating sprees. I'd get so obsessed with dating and sex that it was all I would do. These days, I can't do that. That's not how relationships work. I can't go out and sleep with three different women on three different nights. It doesn't matter how lonely I feel at night. There's no filling up the empty feeling anymore. It doesn't matter if my spouse is two feet away. I'll feel lonely all the time.
It's the same feeling you get when somebody you loved breaks up with you. That's how I feel on my worst nights, only nobody broke up with me, and I want that rebound sex that always distracts you away from the heartbreak. Only that's not possible, because I'm in a committed relationship, and I would never cheat on my spouse.
I'm not sure if that even makes sense. There's a big gaping whole in my chest where my heart was and it feels like the worst thing in the world. If I was single, I would do anything in my power to distract myself.
That used to mean obsessive dating sprees. I'm no longer single, so now that means suicidal thoughts, sleeping pills, insomnia, and alcohol.
Though, I favor insomnia. If I stay up all night one night, I generally fall asleep the next. I rarely have to stay up for two in a row.
I hope I never have to.
It was actually the psychiatrist that brought it up. My husband was shocked but relieved that it wasn't unusual. I'm sorry you feel you have to keep this symptom a secret. It makes you even more isolated and lonely. And that's never good for someone with bipolar.
ReplyDeleteIt definitely isn't unusual. I think half the mental health ward of every place I've been in was filled with sexually frustrated bipolar patients who would leap the bones of any random person if they weren't being observed twenty four seven. lol.
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