"I got in your car and you leaned into me. Too fast. It all began too fast and was so all consuming. The exhilaration of a new relationship to me, I realize now was just a manic phase for you. After 16 years of a non existent marriage, I jumped all in to a relationship with someone that made me feel wanted. Was it really love or was I just your latest addiction.
I flirted with online dating sites for months. Vacillating between being obsessed with logging on and chatting to staying away for weeks. Somewhere in there, you found me. " Diary, Mrs. Bipolar, 2006.
And so it begins. At least that's how it all began for me. Divorced, two kids, looking for some harmless fun. Little did I know I would meet the man of my dreams...and my nightmares. The first 2 years were a whirlwind of dating, moving in together, getting engaged and getting married. There were some things I was aware of in the beginning. I knew he had been an alcoholic, sober for 15 years. I knew he had had a gambling problem. I knew he was bad with money. How could someone that had a good job never have any? I knew that at some points in his life he had suffered from depression and panic attacks. I knew he was on anti-depressants. So I clearly didn't go into this relationship with my eyes closed, did I? Looking back, I would characterize those years as hypo mania; fun, happy, good times. I was not prepared for the chaos that would come next...
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