I Married a 16 Year Old Boy

"Mr. Bipolar,

I love you with all my heart and whether you believe it or not, I would do anything for you.  It is with a heavy soul I write this.   The last few years were wonderful and I will cherish them.  I would brag to everyone what a wonderful man, father, and husband you are.   You have a big heart, so much to give, so much emotion.  I love the man with the child in his eyes.

Right now, It hurts me to see you.  I just want to wrap my arms around you and hold you tight.  Nothing gave me more pleasure than to be by your side.  I just can't believe in 30 short days, my world has been flipped upside down and I'm grieving for the love lost and the future gone.  You must understand that the thing the hurts me the most is that you could so easily walk away.  For me, I thought we were soul mates and that you could do this, makes me believe you did not.  I know you are saying that I'm being dramatic but that's ok.

I have always said that your destiny is helping other people.  People are drawn to you and you can make a difference in so many lives. There are so many people out there that would really benefit with your help.  You will do great things and I will brag that I was once a part of your world.

I am sorry that you hate me so much right now.  I am sorry that you believe I have done anything with the intention of hurting or disrespecting you.  That was not my motivation.  Yes I can be controlling and boring but I thought that's what you needed and you used to say that you loved that I wasn't a push over.  I love a man that challenges me intellectually and that's why I chose you.  I am sorry that you see me as a door and not open and comforting arms when the world has let you down.

I hope you find what you are looking for and I will always love you.

Fly, be all you can be.Mrs.B"  Diary, Mrs. Bipolar, 2009. First time he left, before diagnosis.

I was confused to say the least when hypo mania turned into hyper mania. The man I had married had turned into a 16 year old boy. The loud music, staying up all night, out with friends all the time and the "you can't tell me what to do" attitude. I was working 7 days a week and he went off on long term disability. He convinced his GP that this was best. So with no meds, no therapy, he went off work. All he did all day long was talk on the phone and get into everyone else's business. He was perfect but "let me tell you what's wrong with your life and how you can fix it". He brought a lot of unsavoury people into our home and lives. People he would never have associated with before. But in his mind, they understood and accepted him but we did not. He was so full of anger and resentment towards me and my children. He "left" me many times, but always came back the next day because he couldn't find a place to go. I scoured the internet for information, called his GP, called mental health organizations. I was determined to get him put in the hospital. I knew something mentally was seriously wrong. I got no help from any avenue. One day, he was particularly over the top and was insistent on kicking my children out of the house cause "he pays the bills and they're leeches". I got in between and he pushed me out of the way. My son took a swing at him and completely missed. Screaming that my son had assaulted him, my husband called the cops. Police did come, interviews were done, and my husband was taken away in a cruiser for admitting to pushing me. He was charged with domestic violence. And so our journey to finally getting a diagnosis begins.